wasabi fears.

something about the pasta carbonara and the jumpy bus ride over cobble stone that made me nervous for what is ahead of me. "You always say you are nervous." Xavior bluntly tells me a few days ago. Since then, every time I say it in his presence he snickers and rolls his eyes in a french reminder to relax. He was right, I do say it quite a bit. Here I always thought of myself as the calm easy going type, like a cat in the summer, not a dog facing a vacuum. In honor of him I was use another adjective... ... ... I'm afraid. Now that was hard to admit. As Rome slowly closes part of me wants to believe the plane I am getting on tomorrow will take me back to the states, its that part that is afraid that three months is just...to ...long. My romantic idea's of travel usually keep these fears at bay. I think that bumpy ride home knocked them out of there normal hiding place and into the back of my throat. It screams for recognition and snicker's that I can't really be doing this, that I am just not strong enough. But that is only part of me, an intense part but a small one. It's like wasabi, a short burst of overwhelming heat that passes before it has a chance to really burn.
There's no stopping now, the roller coaster had started and it's far to late to get off the ride. What else can I really do but enjoy it? Even when your stomach jumps into your mouth and all you can do is scream for relief, soon like all things ,that feeling will pass and you'll be laughing while you whirl around another corner. I suppose it is always the unknown that is scary but Albert Einstein said that "the most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious", and i think he knew a thing or two. So maybe it's the length of Geneva, maybe its the new place, guess I'll figure that one out later, because even for only one more day I still have Rome, and I like that a lot. Roma means one who wanders, a gypsy, who knows maybe that's what brought me here to begin with. I think I've earned my Italian stiletto's, its time for those now...