I never got that picture I wanted

I find myself saying more often than not "This is absolutely perfect". The "this" I refer to always changes but the of happiness remains the same. "You look healthy" bell tells me in a poor connected skype conversation. I feel healthy. The happiness I carry with me is pure gold, not muddled with pain or dirt. For those feelings, as my last post reveals have there own time and wont spoill my batch of bliss. Part of the contentment I have begun to embody comes with the reinventing of Heidi. Where I decide what is acceptable and what is not. Where I choose what effects me and what I must let go of. Smoking cigarettes no longer fit with who I've become, so I simply ended that unhealthy relationship,...along with some others that I've been dragging with me for far to long. I've set all that luggage down and decided to leave it there, have it be tobacco or silly boys that hurt my feelings, my dependence on them no longer runs me. When it spears its ugly head and reminds me of what once was, I recognise it for what it is and simply allow it to pass, "goodbye" I say " I have no use for you now." Switzerland has taught me that there is far to much beauty in the world for it not to fill you to the brim with happiness. Yesterday, Caitlin and I took a cable car to the top of a mountain, facing one way you overlooked Geneva turned around and the Alps took your breath away. "This is an image I want forever burned into my head." I mutter to Caitlin who like me until that moment is speechless. Whats funny is how much to literally I would get just that . As we hiked a path atop Mt. Saleve we came across an opening that revealed the Alps more than other areas had. As we approached I hustled for my camera but was stopped by a fence roping off several horses. In an attempt at getting the perfect photo I grabbed the fence to climb under it. It was then that a jolt of electricity raced into my arm through my body and out the opposite foot. For a second my hand was glued to the fence until I forced it off with a gasp. Besides from a racing pulse and a strange tingling I was fine. I never got that picture I wanted, but i think I will remember it forever. On the walk back to the viewpoint I regained my stability and even laughed a bit at the irony of the situation. The air was so clean and cool it made each breath a treat. I hadn't noticed before but for the first time I realized the vice that had held my lungs tight had shattered away and the feeling of a full deep breath filled my being. It was the physical manifestation of empowerment, and it suits me well.